


What Feels Right

by Shaz27



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Boys Kissing, Canon-ish, Friends to Lovers, I don’t know how to do tags, M/M, gay realisation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-30
Updated: 2018-05-30
Packaged: 2019-05-15 23:23:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14799941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shaz27/pseuds/Shaz27
Summary: Louis knew that he’d messed everything up.  The minute he became aware of his lips on Harry’s, he knew that he’d ruined everything.  Now, standing outside the hotel alone in the middle of the night he tried to make sense of what had happened. Why did he do that? Louis had never thought of kissing any boy before, let alone Harry.  He is in a relationship with Eleanor for fucks sake, so what the hell had he done, and why did it feel so right?





	What Feels Right

Louis knew that he’d fucked up. The minute he became aware of his lips on Harry’s, he knew that he’d ruined everything. Now, standing outside the hotel alone in the middle of the night he tried to make sense of what had happened. How could he have done that? WHY did he do that? Louis had never thought of kissing any boy before, let alone Harry. He is in a relationship with Eleanor for fucks sake, so what the hell had he done, and why did it feel so right? Louis tried to take some deep breaths but it felt his lungs were being squeezed, and he couldn’t breathe. His mind just kept replaying the moment over and over again. 

The boys were all in Harry’s room winding down after the concert. None of them ever felt like going straight to their own rooms as the thrill of being on stage always left them hyped up for hours. Spirits were soaring because the crowd had been fantastic, and the boys fed off their enthusiasm. It was high energy and a lot of fun, and Louis was feeling so confident because it seemed the crowd adored him tonight.  
It was three in the morning before the boys started yawning and Liam, Zayn and Niall finally decided to go to bed. Louis was still way too excited so he stayed with Harry just a little longer. He didn’t want to go to sleep, he wanted to hold onto the excitement just a little longer. Harry didn’t mind, he loved to see Louis happy and loved seeing the confidence radiating off him on stage and he wanted to share in Louis’ happiness. They chatted for a bit, Louis cheerfully relaying details of his interactions with the crowd. They were sitting close together as usual, knees touching and Harry was grinning at Louis while listening to his stories.  
“Gee Lou, anyone would think you were the only one on that stage tonight” Harry teased. “There were 5 of us you know”  
  
Louis huffed “Of course I know that Haz, but it just felt so good tonight” said Louis. Harry nudged his elbow into his side.  
  
“Calm down Lou, or you’ll get a big head” smirked Harry. Louis jumped on him. “You’re the one with the big head Harry Styles” he screeched  
  
Louis flipped Harry on the couch and proceeded to poke Harry in the ribs. Harry started squealing and tried to push Louis off him. Legs and arms became tangled, but Louis, despite his small stature, was incredibly strong and kept Harry pinned underneath him. Their eyes met, Harry’s shining with joy, and Louis’ full of sass. They were both grinning like idiots. Louis stopped fighting and said seriously “It was just a really great night Haz.”  
  
“Yeah, it was the best Lou” said Harry smiling, his dimple popping.

Suddenly Louis was acutely aware of Harry’s body against his. Heat seemed to sear into his skin from everywhere where Harry was touching him. Louis’ grin faded slowly and a frown appeared at his brow. Harry quirked an eyebrow.  
“What’s up Lou?” Harry questioned.  
Louis stared at Harry, unable to tear his eyes away.  
“Lou, are you ok?” Harry asked slightly worried when he didn’t answer.  
Louis didn’t really hear him. The blood was roaring in his ears, his heart beat had become erratic and his brain had refused to work. When Harry shifted a little underneath him, Louis felt his stomach swoop and his blood pressure rise as Harry’s thigh grazed over his groin. Louis raised his hand slowly and tangled it in Harry’s curls while his eyes roamed over Harry’s face. It was something that he had done hundreds of times before, but this time it caused a jolt of electricity down Louis’ spine. Louis became acutely aware of Harry’s hand resting heavily on the small of his back, the warmth burning through his shirt, and there was no way Louis could stop his eyes from dropping down to Harry’s lips. His brain had entirely stopped working as his instincts took over. He slowly leaned down towards Harry feeling their breath mingle together for a few seconds before Louis ever so gently pressed his lips to Harry’s. Louis’ heart stopped for a few seconds, before painfully thudding back to life. The roaring in his ears increased, and Louis heard someone’s breath hitch but he wasn’t entirely sure whether it was his or Harry’s. Louis’ heart was thumping so hard he thought it might burst out of his chest but that didn’t matter because every sense was swamped with Harry, so familiar yet so strange. Louis began to deepen the kiss, licking on Harry’s bottom lip because, well it just felt so good and so right. Harry opened his mouth and gave Louis entry. God that felt amazing. Louis licked into Harry’s mouth, and when their tongues met Louis let out a small groan. Louis let his right hand roam down Harry’s cheek, over his neck then made his way down those beautiful arms, feeling every muscle as he went. His hand finally reached Harry’s stomach where Louis felt Harry’s muscles flutter before moving to rest on his hip where he dug his fingers in. The kiss was getting more and more heated by the second and Louis couldn’t stop the roll of his hips into Harry’s trying to get some sort of friction going, eliciting a groan deep in his throat and that was the precise moment when his brain decided to start working again.

What the hell was he doing? Fuck. 

Louis leapt off Harry like he’d been burnt and he was now standing by the couch, breathing erratically and shaking his head, hand over his mouth, acutely aware of how tight his jeans had become. 

“Fuck...Harry, I’m so....I’m sorry” Louis said, his voice cracking, shock causing all the blood to drain out of his face.  
“Lou” Harry said as he sat up trying to reach for Louis’ hand. Louis jerked his hand away, stumbling blindly back, tears pricking at his eyes and skin incredibly pale.  
  
“Lou” Harry tried again quietly.  
  
“No” said Louis backing away towards the door with his eyes downcast, “I can’t...don’t... sorry...” Louis’ back hit the door, and with relief he flung it open and fled from the room. 

Louis was shaking all over as he desperately tried to get as far away from Harry as he could, but in reality was not very far. There were fans camped out the front of the hotel, so it’s not like he could run out and drown his sorrows at a pub somewhere, although he desperately wanted a pint or five to help his shattered nerves. For now he had to settle for the solitude in the back alley of the hotel near the stinking rubbish bins. Louis sat huddled against the cold air, where he felt his surroundings matched his mood - dark and putrid.

Louis drew his knees up to his chest and rested his forehead on his knees as he thought of Harry and what he had done. Harry and Louis had always been inseparable since they met and they touched ALL the time, but Louis always saw it as a best mate thing and nothing else. They played up the romance part a lot because they both enjoyed the fandoms reaction to their flirting, but it was just play, all just a bit of harmless fun. Harry and Louis were the best of friends, and Louis was in a long term relationship with Eleanor who he loved...didn’t he?

If Louis was being honest with himself, he would have admitted that this kiss was not a spur of the moment decision, it was something that he’d wanted to do for months. He felt his breath hitch when Harry walked into a room, felt his heart rate quicken at Harry’s touch, felt the butterflies in his stomach when Harry leaned in close and his skin heat when he noticed Harry looking at him. But Louis was far from ready to be honest with himself and even further from admitting what those feeling meant, that he may have been falling for his best mate.

Louis’ mind drifted back to the kiss. The warmth of Harry’s lips, the feel of his body under Louis’, the way they just seemed to fit. When he was with Eleanor it was nice, familiar and safe. But with Harry it felt like his whole body was on fire. It felt hot and exciting, wonderful and scary, beautiful and all consuming. Things that he had never felt with Eleanor or with anyone else for that matter.  
But his mind was telling him that it was all wrong. Wrong for the band, wrong for him, wrong for Eleanor, wrong for Harry, wrong for their friendship, just....wrong. Louis couldn’t be with Harry - could he? It may have felt wrong in his head, but he couldn’t stop his heart from saying it felt so damn right and his heart would not let go that easily. The implications of that was far too much for Louis to cope with at this point so he stubbornly shut off his mind and his heart, shook out his aching limbs and quietly snuck back to his room. Once there, he tumbled into bed, hid himself under the covers and fitfully slept. 

———————————————————————————————————————————————-

Louis woke to the full force of Liam and Niall jumping on his bed and yelling.  
  
“Last show before the break tonight Tommo” Niall yelled. “Gonna make it a big one.”  
  
Louis just groaned and tried to hide back under the covers. Liam wasn’t having any of that and he flung the covers back exposing Louis who was still dressed in last nights clothes.  
“What the fuck happened” Niall asked. “Why are you still in your clothes?”  
  
“I was just tired, and couldn’t be bothered changing” mumbled Louis.  
Liam frowned but decided not to say anything.  
  
“Let’s get some breakfast” Niall declared while jumping up and down on Louis’ bed.  
Breakfast was not technically correct as it was already midday, but that didn’t matter. The mere thought of food caused Louis’ stomach to rumble as it had been a long while since he last had a proper meal, but the hunger was quickly replaced with anxiety as memories of the previous night came flooding back.  
What was he going to do when he saw Harry? What would he say? What would Harry say? He was sure Harry would hate him for what he did last night. I mean, who kisses their best friend without some sort of consequence? He was sure that his friendship was ruined and that it was all his fault and he wasn’t ready to deal with that rejection and loss of his best friend. If he managed to never be alone with Harry, then maybe Harry wouldn’t tell him how much he’d fucked up their relationship. He couldn’t face Harry alone, so he begged the boys to wait for him while he showered.  
  
“Fuck that” said Niall. “I’m starving, so I’m not waiting for you to get your arse into gear and have a shower” and with that Niall jumped off the bed and left the room.  
  
Louis turned to Liam “Please wait Liam” Louis whined. “I...um...I won’t be long”  
  
Liam looked at him with a confused expression “Is everything ok Lou?”  
  
“Yeah, just feeling a bit emotional about this being the last show, that’s all” lied Louis  
  
He could tell Liam didn’t really believe him, but bless him, he didnt ask any more questions before agreeing to wait.  
  
Louis gave him a quick hug “Thanks Li” and ran to the shower yelling back “I’ll be quick I promise”.  
  
Louis was true to his word, showered and dressed in 5 mins flat. He was looking for his phone to pop it on his pocket before he remembered that in his haste to leave Harry’s room last night, he must have left it there. Fuck, great.  
  
“C’mon Lou, I’m starving” complained Liam.  
  
“Yeah, right” said Louis distractedly. “Let’s go”  
  
Louis got more and more anxious the closer they got to Sarah’s kitchen and started fiddling with the hem of his T-shirt as he walked. How was he going to deal with Harry? Louis decided the best way would be to ignore what had happened and ignore Harry. It was only one show after all before they were all heading home for a short break. He could do this. It would be fine. 

—————————————————————————————————

Louis and Liam wandered into the dining area. Niall looked up at them and with his mouth full of food yelled. “Took your time lads! I’m already on my second helping”  
Liam rolled his eyes and slapped Niall on the back  
  
“Of course you are mate” said Liam.  
  
Louis scanned the room with nervous eyes as Liam wandered off to get some food. Harry wasn’t there, thank goodness. Louis let the breath go that he didn’t realise he was holding and went to go and get some food. He could do this. 

Louis was contemplating whether to get poached or scrambled eggs when he heard a familiar voice next to him “You forgot this.”  
  
Louis looked over to see Harry standing next to him, his arm outstretched holding his phone. Louis stopped breathing for what seemed like an eternity. He looked at the phone, then looked up at Harry but he shouldn’t of, because he didn’t like what he saw there. A mix of confusion, hurt, anger and something else he couldn’t quite place. He immediately dropped his gaze back to Harry’s hand.  
  
“Thanks” said Louis. His voice didn’t come out as strong as he had hoped, and he had an overwhelming urge to vomit. Louis snatched the phone and walked away.  
  
Louis went and sat with Niall, picking at his breakfast and trying not to look at Harry but it was hard when he looked so damn fine this morning in his jeans and Rolling Stones t-shirt. Louis had always loved that shirt on him. They way it draped over his muscular back, the sleeves slightly rolled up to reveal his biceps and tattoos, and those jeans that hugged his long slender legs... fuck, what was wrong with him? Louis tore his eyes from Harry. Who thinks of their best friend that way.  
  
“Louis, are you listening to me?” demanded Niall  
  
“Huh?” Louis mumbled, embarrassed to be caught staring at Harry  
  
“I asked if you were excited about our holiday coming up” said Niall  
  
“Oh...I suppose so” muttered Louis.  
In actual fact, he couldn’t wait to get away from Harry and the awkwardness he was feeling. A few weeks away, and everything would go back to normal. He would be seeing Eleanor over the break, and everything would go back to just the way to should be. It would no longer feel like the earth had tilted on its axis, Harry would forget about the kiss and they could just get on with being friends again, like nothing ever happened. That’s what he wants, that’s exactly what he wants...for sure...isn’t it?

Harry came over and sat quietly down with Niall and Louis, his eyes boring into the top of Louis head. Louis kept his eyes downcast and refused to acknowledge Harry was there. He could feel Harry’s eyes on him, and he could feel Niall looking between the two of them, the air so thick with tension that you could cut it with a knife.  
Suddenly it was too much for Louis and he had to get out, and get out now. He stood up, knocking his chair over in his haste.  
“I’ve...um..gotta go...and...Bye” and with that he left.  
  
“Smooth Louis, smooth” Louis mumbled to himself when he was out the door.

  


Louis headed back to his room and slammed the door. He plonked down on his bed and buried his face in the pillow. Oh god, how could he have made this so bad? A few seconds later his phone buzzed in his pocket. He pulled it out and looked at the screen.  
There was a missed call from Harry from last night and a new text “We need to talk. H”  
Shit  
Louis threw his phone on the floor and buried his face in the pillows again, he couldn’t face this just yet, but at the same time, he couldn’t shut his mind off. Thoughts of Harry filled every corner of his brain, every cell of his body, every fibre of his being and the one overwhelming thought that kept coming back to the front of his brain was “you ruined everything”

———————————————————————————————————————————————-

Louis managed to stay away from everyone and everything for the rest of the day. He ignored the calls and texts and the knocks on the door that we’re becoming more and more frequent and persistent the closer they got to show time. Harry had called about a hundred times and had knocked at the door too many times to count. But Louis ignored them all and just buried himself deeper into his covers. Eventually Zayn pounded on the door with one hour left to showtime and Louis got up and answered the door.  
  
“Fuck Louis” Zayn yelled “Where the fuck have you been? Everybody is frantic. We’ve got a fucking show in a fucking hour for fucks sake”  
  
Zayn looked at Louis “What the fuck is wrong with you. Are you sick?” Zayn asked.  
  
“That’s a lot of fucks in one sentence Zayn - you should watch your language”  
Zayn glared at him. Louis sighed and decided he’d better answer before Zayn hit him. “No Zayn. I’m fine.” said Louis quietly “Let’s go”  
  
Zayn stared at him for 5 long seconds before he grabbed onto Louis’ arm and dragged him out of the hotel and into the waiting car. Louis sat with his head bowed, staring at his clenched fists in his lap.  
“Lou...” Zayn said quietly. “No Zayn” said Louis brokenly, “just leave it. I can’t deal with this right now”. Zayn sighed sadly but was mercifully quiet for the rest of the trip. He did however loop his arm around Louis’ shoulders and brought him in close. When the car pulled up there were tons of people waiting to yell at Louis. “Where have you been?” “Are you ok?” “What’s gotten into you Louis” “You need to get to hair and makeup NOW”  
Luckily nobody had time to wait for responses, so Louis didn’t need to give any. He was pushed into hair and make up, then into the dressing room to get his stage gear on and before he knew it he was pushed into the room with the other boys. Louis looked around the room spying Harry sitting in quietly the corner studying the floor.  
Niall and Liam ran over to him “Louis are you ok? We were so worried. What the fuck happened”  
Louis just shook his head and kept his eyes downcast saying nothing. One of their managers popped their head in. “Time to go boys”. They all just stared at him, no one moving. The manager stared back and said again more firmly this time “Time to go boys, get moving!”  
  
“Ok, ok, keep your pants on” said Liam  
  
Niall looked around. “Are you good to go Louis?”  
  
Louis looked up and met Niall’s sympathetic eyes “Yeah” said Louis with a strained smile “Let’s go”  
They all filed out, but Harry held back.  
“Lou” he said quietly. Louis stopped dead in his tracks. The other boys were already out the door, so it was him and Harry left in the room. He stopped and turned to look at Harry and immediately wished he didn’t. Harry looked terrible. His eyes were red, his face slightly puffy and he had bags under his eyes. The makeup girls had done wonders to cover it up so most people couldn’t tell, but Louis knew. Louis knew he was hurting, and it was all Louis’ fault. Guilt flooded through Louis’ system.  
“Louis” said Harry again “I....”  
  
“Harry” Louis squeaked cutting him off. Damn his stupid voice. Louis cleared his throat and tried again  
“Harry...I’m sorry. That was wrong of me to kiss you like that, you’re my best mate and it should never have happened, and it won’t happen again I promise. It was a mistake, a giant mistake on my behalf and I’m sorry it ever happened”  
Louis saw something flicker in Harry’s eyes before his face went blank and he dropped his gaze to the floor and sighed loudly.  
“Let’s go then. The other boys will be wondering where we are” said Harry in a small voice.

———————————————————————————————————————————————

Louis managed to get through the concert. He was avoiding Harry like the plague and the other boys were watching them with concerned eyes, but Louis felt the crowd were oblivious as the screams were just as deafening as usual, and their vocals were on point. After the concert they all went back to Niall’s room at the hotel where, as it was the last show for a while, a party was organised. All the crew were there too, which made Louis happy as it meant it was easier to avoid Harry.  
Niall swung his arm around Louis’ shoulders  
“Everything ok with you Louis?” He asked. “Yeah, Why?” Louis asked  
  
“Well” said Niall, “You disappeared for the whole day, you didn’t answer your phone, only turning up an hour before the concert. That’s not like you mate. And you seem...off. Are you sick?”  
  
Louis decided that was a good excuse. “Yeah” he said “I must be coming down with something”.  
  
Niall looked at him “Are you sure it’s got nothing to do with Harry?” Louis stiffened.  
“I mean” Niall said, his eyes searching Louis’ “You guys have barely spoken since yesterday, and you avoided each other all night” Louis looked over towards Harry on the other side of the room and saw that Zayn had bailed him up. Zayn looked worried and Harry looked uncomfortable. Harry must have felt Louis’ eyes on him, and he turned and looked directly at him. Louis immediately dropped his gaze and tried to focus on Niall.

“No, it’s got nothing to do with Harry, we’re fine, everything’s fucking great” said Louis unconvincingly.  
  
“Right, whatever you say Louis” said Niall, obviously not believing a word that was coming out of his mouth. “You need to talk to him Lou”  
“What...?!” Louis stammered. “I said it had nothing to do with him” his pitch rising to an alarmingly high level.  
“Just talk to him mate” said Niall gently. He slapped him on the back then yelled “I need a drink” and with that he was gone. Louis was left dumbstruck. Fuck. He looked up to see Harry was staring at him. Louis looked away and went to find a drink or ten. 

The rest of the night passed fairly uneventfully. The drinks flowed, the conversations got louder and louder and there was plenty of laughter. Louis tried to join in, but his laughter was slightly forced and it was hard work avoiding Harry and questions from the other boys. The guilt was eating at him and he hated that he might not have Harry as a friend any more all because he had broken that unspoken rule...best friends do not kiss each other. Sometime during the night the alcohol flowing through his system made him brave enough to decide he should try and salvage what he could of his and Harry’s friendship. It had only been a day but he missed Harry like crazy. He didn’t think he could live without him in his life and he had to try to fix it. He should apologise again for being an idiot and kissing him and beg for forgiveness so they could get past this awkwardness. Maybe, just maybe their friendship could be saved. Louis hoped like hell it could, because it is definitely worth saving. He went to find him, only to be told by Liam that he had left already as he had to catch a plane home. Shit.  
———————————————————————————————————————————————

Louis boarded his flight home the next day grumpy and hung over. Harry hadn’t answered any of his texts or calls the previous night and Louis was trying not to let it worry him. When he arrived, Eleanor was waiting at the airport with a big smile. Louis genuinely smiled for the first time in days and went to give her a hug. Eleanor kissed him, and Louis kissed her back, hoping that it would get Harry out of his head. It didn’t. It just made Louis realise how different he felt about Eleanor and Harry. Harry was all fire and heat, while Eleanor made him feel...nothing.  
“Everything ok baby” Eleanor asked.  
“Yeah” said Louis “I’m just a little tired I guess”  
“Well, let’s get you home then”. Eleanor slid her hand around Louis waist as they walked to the car. Louis used to get comfort from that, but today it just felt...wrong. 

The next few days passed in a blur. Louis got more and more distant with Eleanor. Every touch made him flinch, every kiss left him thinking of the kiss with Harry and how good it was, and Louis could barely make eye contact with Eleanor for fear that she would see the truth that he wasn’t in love with her anymore. Eleanor must have finally had enough as she confronted him while they were sitting in the sun in the backyard.  
“What’s going on with you Louis?” She asked as she wrapped her hand around his thigh  
Louis had to use every bit of his self control not to jerk her hand off his leg. “What?” Replied Louis  
“Well, you’ve just been so distant lately. I feel like...I dunno...that you don’t want to be with me?”.  
Louis looked over to Eleanor and sighed. Oh God thought Louis. She’s a beautiful girl, with a very caring nature, but there was just something missing in their relationship. Something that he didn’t even know existed until he felt it with Harry. He didn’t want to settle for a nice girl that he cared for. He wanted all the heat that came with Harry. He wanted the boy with the green eyes that made his heart race, and his skin flush and his heart feel so very full, the one that made everything feel right.  
She really didn’t deserve to be strung along, she needed to know that his heart wasn’t in it anymore.  
“I’m sorry El” he said shaking his head. “I’m so sorry. I don’t know what to say. Something in me has changed and I just...I don’t know”.  
  
“Does it have anything to do with Harry?” Eleanor asked  
  
Louis’ eyes went wide with shock. How the hell did she know that?  
  
“I...um...I” Louis stammered.  
  
“It’s OK Lou” Eleanor interrupted. “I kind of figured it was only a matter of time before this happened. You don’t look at me the same way you look at him.” She moved her hand onto Louis upper arm and soothingly stroked it. She ducked her head to catch Louis’ eye and said quietly “I think you two would make a great couple”.  
  
Louis looked at Eleanor in disbelief and gave her a watery smile.  
“I’m sorry El” said Louis again. “I’m so sorry”.  
  
“It’s OK Louis. You can’t help your feelings. I just hope one day I find someone who looks at me the way Harry looks at you” she said, tears forming in her eyes

Eleanor stood up then, and Louis scrambled to his feet. They hugged for a minute before Eleanor pulled back to give him a chaste kiss on the lips, said goodbye and left.

———————————————————————————————————————————————

Louis slumped down on the chair with a sigh. He felt strangely releaved, like a weight had been lifted. He didn’t deserve Eleanor being so nice about it and he was sure he wouldn’t have been so understanding if the roles were reversed. Then Eleanor’s words replayed in his mind “the way Harry looks at you”. What did she mean by that? Does Harry look at him in a particular way, and what way is that?

Louis decided he needed to see what Eleanor was talking about. Could Harry like him too? He did kind of kiss him back. It was the first time Louis had allowed to think of the possibility that maybe Harry felt the same way and it made his heart flutter a little.

He jumped onto the internet to google their ship name that the fans had given them. He set his browser onto private and typed in “Larry Stylinson” took a deep breath, and hit search. The first few videos he watched was where fans had pieced together all the “Larry moments” on stage from one of their recent tours. Louis couldn’t tear his eyes away. There were so many moments where the fans caught Harry looking at him like he was a 3 course meal while Louis was unaware, and just as many moments of Louis doing the same thing back to Harry. And then, there was the fond face they both made when looking at each other. Oh god, he had absolutely no idea that’s the way he looked at Harry and he had no idea that’s the way Harry looked at him. Louis was holding his head in his hands in disbelief. Holy shit. Louis realised that the thing that was missing with Eleanor was love. He was in love with Harry and Harry loves him back!!!!! Louis let out a whoop, gathered up his keys, his phone and ran out to the door to his car, his only thought was to get to Harry. 

—————————————————————————————————————————

The confidence Louis felt at the start of the trip dissipated with every kilometre that he drove. How could he believe a video made by a fans? Things weren’t like that in real life. Harry couldn’t be that obvious and Louis not pick up on it. I mean, it’s absurd, it was just great editing, but something made Louis keep driving. By the time he reached Harry’s house his confidence was at an all time low. What the hell was he thinking? He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t do it to the band, to Harry. He should just be friends with Harry and nothing else. But Louis didn’t know how he could stand being just friends with Harry now that he realised that he was in love with him. How can you survive being friends when every time you looked at someone you wanted to put your hands and mouth all over them?

He was in love with Harry Styles and he couldn’t do anything about it...fuck. It was then, sitting in his car out the front of Harry’s house that all the stress of the last week came to a head, and Louis broke. The tears came in a flood, and he could do nothing more than rest his forehead on the steering wheel and cry huge gut wrenching sobs. Louis felt like his heart was being ripped from his body, and he was overwhelmed with the feelings coursing through his body. What the hell was he doing. He’s ruined the best friendship he ever had, ruined the band dynamic, ruined everything, and now he was in love with someone he could never have. Great. But, did Harry really not feel that way? Surely those videos couldn’t be all wrong? Louis’ skin warmed thinking of how great he felt during the kiss. How great their bodies fit together and their lips seemed to be made for each other. How could it feel so good and right, if it was so wrong? The sobs finally settled, his eyes unable to produce anymore tears. It was then Louis decided he can’t just go back to being a friend, he had to let Harry know how he was feeling. He wanted more, and he couldn’t live with himself if he didn’t try. It was time to lay his cards on the table and tell Harry the truth, and hope against all hope that he didn’t fuck everything up even more.  
It was then Louis remembered he was sitting outside Harry’s house. Fuck. He had to go. He needed an hour or so to compose himself, he needed time to formulate some kind of speech or something, time to get the words and feelings right in his head. He needed to steady himself and the flood of emotions clouding his mind before talking to Harry. He started the car and then jumped a mile when he heard a tap on the window.  
“Lou?”  
Louis looked over and saw Harry standing there. He’d just come back from a run, he was breathing heavily, his cheeks were flushed and there was sweat on his forehead and he looked fucking amazing.  
  
“Louis, what are you doing here” said Harry  
  
Louis swore, wiped his eyes and opened the car door. Harry stepped back to allow him to get out.  
“Hi” Louis said sheepishly. He was aware how terrible he must look after all that crying.  
  
“Jeez Lou, are you ok?” Harry asked worriedly  
  
Louis took a deep breath. Shit, there’s no getting out of this, he’s going to have to talk to Harry and it’s going to have to be now. “I think we need to talk Harry”  
  
Harry just nodded and took Louis by the elbow and led him towards the house. Louis tried to ignore the tingling he got in his elbow where Harry was touching him, but it was just so intense he couldn’t. He allowed himself a moment just to enjoy the feeling before they reached the front door. Harry pulled a key out of his joggers and opened the door stepping back to allow Louis to enter first. Louis stepped inside the house, then waited for Harry to shut the door. Harry started walking to the kitchen and Louis followed in a daze. Harry went straight to the kettle and flicked it on.  
Louis sat down on one of the kitchen stools and watched Harry’s back muscles ripple under his shirt as he made his way around the kitchen getting tea bags, milk and cups. God he looked fit. Louis dragged his eyes away when Harry turned to give him his freshly made tea.  
“Thanks” said Louis. He wrapped his hands around the cup and kept his eyes downcast.  
“So” said Harry as he sat down on the other side of the island bench. “What did you want to talk about?”  
  
“Jeez Harry, want to get straight to the point or what?” Louis said.  
Harry tried to hide his smirk by looking down at his cup, but Louis saw it, and his own mouth twitched in response before it was wiped away by worry.  
Nothing else was said and the silence stretched on, but Harry was patient now, sensing he needed to wait for Louis to be ready to talk. Louis sipped his tea and briefly thought about how amazing Harry’s teas were. No one could make a tea as good.  
  
“I broke up with Eleanor “ Louis finally blurted out. Harry’s eyes darted up to Louis’ and Louis saw a flash of...what was that...hope...happiness before Harry quickly schooled his face into something more sympathetic.  
  
“I’m sorry about that Louis”  
  
“I’m not” said Louis.  
Harry’s eyes widened in surprise. That certainly was not the response he was expecting.  
“What happened?” asked Harry  
  
“I just felt...I thought...um...there was something missing there” said Louis finally deciding to go for it.  
“We didn’t have that special connection, the heat, the fire that I want, that I know I feel...” said Louis. “with you” he added barely audible.  
Harry stared at him and said nothing. Louis raised his eyes and looked straight into Harry’s green ones. Their eyes locked together, Louis watching the storm of emotions clouding Harry’s eyes until it all became too much and he looked back down to study his half empty cup of tea. The silence stretched on and Louis could still feel Harry’s eyes boring into the top of his head. Louis started fidgeting, and then the panic set in. Fuck, if I hadn’t already ruined everything, I certainly have now thought Louis. Why the fuck did I just say that? Harry doesn’t feel the same way. Why didn’t I just apologise and beg to be friends again?  
He sighed.  
  
“Look Harry - I’m sorry” Louis began. “I didn’t mean to ruin anything, I know you don’t feel the same way, so I hope we can just get over this thing and maybe somehow become friends again”  
  
Harry still didn’t say anything, so Louis looked up and saw Harry had shiny eyes from held back tears. Fuck, now he’d made him cry Louis thought. Great.  
But then he saw the slight upturn of Harry’s mouth. Wait...What?. Louis’ own mouth started to twitch, wanting to smile, but he forced it back, unsure of what Harry was really thinking. Harry’s grin suddenly lit up his whole face. His dimple popped and Louis couldn’t do anything but smile back. He watched as Harry slowly rose from his stool and walk over. Louis turned on his stool to face him, heart racing at a million miles an hour. Harry reached down and touched his cheek and Louis felt his skin heat where Harry’s thumb gently rubbed his cheek bone. Harry stepped into the space between Louis’ legs and leaned in so close that their warm breath mingled together.  
He leaned into Louis’ ear and whispered “I feel that connection with you too Lou” before touching his lips to Louis’ sensitive point just below his ear.  
Louis’ brain went into overdrive, and his pulse kicked up another notch making Louis think he may just have a heart attack right there in Harry’s kitchen. Oh my God, this was happening, Harry liked him back! Harry’s warm breath made Louis shiver, and his lips on his skin sent a bolt of electricity straight into his groin when Harry started sucking his neck. Harry broke off and locked eyes with Louis. His gaze was intense and Louis felt it warming every single cell of his body. Louis dropped his eyes to Harry’s beautiful pink lips, leant in and whispered “I want you Haz”  
That was enough for Harry to close the distance and crush his lips against Louis’ and god that felt good. Louis let out a small moan which only spurred Harry on. Suddenly the space between their bodies was too much for Louis so he stood up and flung his arms around Harry’s waist pulling him close, wanting nothing more than to feel Harry’s body pressed against his. He needed to rise up on his toes to meet Harry’s mouth but Louis felt that just added to the heat. One of Harry’s hands ventured to the back of Louis’ neck to pull him closer, eventually roaming up to tangle in his hair, while the other gently lifted the hem of his t-shirt to touch the skin at his waist. Louis slipped his leg between Harry’s and pushed his hips flush against him eliciting a groan from Harry. This just felt so right.  
  
Harry went back to Louis’ neck, sucking a little bruise into the skin over his pulse point. Louis tilted his head back to give him better access before pulling back abruptly.  
  
“Harry" breathed Louis “I’ve...um...never been with a boy before. I’m not sure...” Louis blushed as he dropped his gaze to the floor.  
  
Harry smiled fondly at him tucking a finger under his chin to tilt his head back so Harry could look into his eyes.  
“It’s ok Louis, we’ll take this as slow as you want. If there’s anything that makes you uncomfortable we’ll stop. I feel privileged to be the one that gets to guide you through this and I won’t take advantage of that in any way. I’ve wanted you for such a long time Lou but I pushed those feelings down knowing that you only ever wanted to be friends, and that was ok with me. I’d take you any way I could. I just wanted to have you in my life, but now...we get a chance to become more, and I’m so ready for that.”  
  
“But, it’ll effect everything, the band, the fans, the other boys..oh God Harry, the media...” Louis dropped his face into his hands. They both knew how horrific and insistent the media could be. They’ve both had blatant lies written about them, and had many invasive and inappropriate questions asked over the years, but this would be on a whole other level. It would be a bloodbath, everyone clambering for intimate details and photos. They would be hounded. Not great for either of them but especially Louis who was just coming to terms with his sexuality. Harry wanted to tell him it would be ok, but in reality he knew it wouldn’t be. The media are relentless and it could break a new relationship and Louis.  
“I think we should just keep this to ourselves for a bit Lou” Harry finally said. “The media would be too much to handle when we are trying to work this out, asking questions that we may not be ready to answer. Close friends and family are ok, but the media...no. But that means we’ll have to be a little careful about being seen together though”  
Louis nodded in agreement. Harry was right, involving the media at this point would be a death sentence.  
“Is this wrong?” Louis blurted out. “I mean, can we actually do this?” Harry heard the uncertainty in Louis voice and he never wanted him to question how right this was. Harry grabbed Louis’ biceps with enough force to bruise. “It’s not wrong Louis” he said earnestly, voice rough. “Yes it’ll affect everything, but that doesn’t make it wrong - it feels nothing but right to me.”  
“It feels right to me too Haz” Louis said quietly “Let’s make this work”  
“Let’s!” smiled Harry.


End file.
